Being A Man

He Said....

I have this internal battle going on, some sort of philosophical gauntlet whereas my mind is attempting to define my purpose. I don’t know how this happened, but it did and it has continued to rage war on my brain for a week or so now. I continuously think of the days before marriage and love where I paraded around with various women, practiced a life of promiscuity, and defined myself by the reaction I got on friend’s faces when I told them about my escapades. Now, as a married man, Dad, and community advocate I have a different perspective. Yet, I have friends around me who don’t share in that. Why? Why is it that I’m always different? Why is it that I when I stand on principle, I am asked to be more lenient? Am I wrong?

With my marriage I give everything I have to provide a life for my family as my father and father’s father did. As I was told on many occasions, “It’s the Hewitt way”. While I agree with it, at this age I must gain understanding of myself, right? And if that is the case, the tests and trials help to define me, right? For instance, I was blessed with a dream opportunity and once achieved I’m going through the test of a lifetime. In my former job, I was “the man”. I knew everything, everyone. I made things happen. Here, its going to take awhile, but I like the challenge. But lately, I’ve felt less than a man. Less than what I was…..so once again, what defines me?

In this day and age, I try to stand on principle. My wife thinks I could be a nicer person, but I feel that if you are not clear, people will continue to take advantage of you. I believe that once I pass, that will be my signature. I believe there are people in this world that do not operate on principle, and if not checked they will drag you down with them. In order to stop that from happening you must avoid mixed messages. This does not mean eliminating cordiality; it means simply expressing yourself in a way that defines your relationship with that individual or group of individuals. I struggled with that in many relationships in the past. I vowed several years ago that the struggle was over.

I learned this poem while I was in college that stuck with my through my college experience; even to this day:

"Test of a Man"
The Test of a man is the fight that he makes.

The Grit that he daily shows.

The way he stands upon his feet.

And takes lifes numerous bumps and blows.

A coward can smile When there's naught to fear.

A nothing his progress bars.

But it takes a man to stand and cheer.

While the other fellow stars.

It isn't the victory after all.

But the fight that a brother makes.

A man, when driven against the wall,

Still takes the blows of fate.

With his head held high.

Bleeding, bruised, and pale,

Is the man who will win fate defied.

For he isn't afraid to fail!

My goal is take my family to new heights, empower them to reach their full potential. I want to be an example. Like my father, like my father’s father. This is not a commercial for the Army, but I think its what every good man goes through each morning he wakes up and every night he goes to sleep. My family is great, my life is great, I am blessed.